This is a moving poem, sent to me by a friend. Certainly speaks to my soul.
The Invitation
Oriah Mountain Dreamer
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dreams
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand on the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes."
It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after a night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Another week down!
This week was slow. Still have a lot of flowers left that I will probably not move before they wither. I shouldn't have gotten more mums Monday, but then I would have nothing to sell this week.
The hay is picking up. I found two suppliers for good square bale hay, which will sell faster because I can load it, whereas I have no way to load single round bales. Maybe next year I can get a lift of some kind.
It is hard to go this slow, but it is a solid way to build a debt free business. The buildings will arrive next Thursday. I sure hope I can sell a couple this month. I think they will get a lot of attention at first, because there hasn't been anything new here for years.
So, out of nothing I have a business selling flowers, hay, firewood, portable buildings, fountains, and iron works, none of which I pay anything for except the flowers. It is all consignment and I get 10% of everything I sale. Maybe next year I can afford to buy wholesale and make more profit, but for now this is a great way to build something from nothing. Just my time, energy and smarts. I am proud of myself...even if it doesn't work out in the long run.
I do work a lot of hours and am tired all the time. I have no personal life anymore and no time for dating. But maybe I will build something where I can have a balance in life soon.
I did not realize other people read my posts. I assumed I was talking to myself since no one comments and I didn't know how to tract people looking in. A friend of mine mentioned he tracked his "hits" and so I found out how to do mine. It appears I've had a lot of people look around. Surprise. I really thought I was talking to myself. Surely you all were very bored and only glanced. I'll try to be more entertaining for now on, now that I know I'm not alone. But don't hold your breath, I have nothing important to say.
The hay is picking up. I found two suppliers for good square bale hay, which will sell faster because I can load it, whereas I have no way to load single round bales. Maybe next year I can get a lift of some kind.
It is hard to go this slow, but it is a solid way to build a debt free business. The buildings will arrive next Thursday. I sure hope I can sell a couple this month. I think they will get a lot of attention at first, because there hasn't been anything new here for years.
So, out of nothing I have a business selling flowers, hay, firewood, portable buildings, fountains, and iron works, none of which I pay anything for except the flowers. It is all consignment and I get 10% of everything I sale. Maybe next year I can afford to buy wholesale and make more profit, but for now this is a great way to build something from nothing. Just my time, energy and smarts. I am proud of myself...even if it doesn't work out in the long run.
I do work a lot of hours and am tired all the time. I have no personal life anymore and no time for dating. But maybe I will build something where I can have a balance in life soon.
I did not realize other people read my posts. I assumed I was talking to myself since no one comments and I didn't know how to tract people looking in. A friend of mine mentioned he tracked his "hits" and so I found out how to do mine. It appears I've had a lot of people look around. Surprise. I really thought I was talking to myself. Surely you all were very bored and only glanced. I'll try to be more entertaining for now on, now that I know I'm not alone. But don't hold your breath, I have nothing important to say.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Slow going
My self made business is slowly taking off. Had a hay buyer today and if she goes through with the deal, it will be $96.00 profit for me. The flowers are going slowly, but at least I sell something everyday. Can't wait for the buildings to arrive and don't know when they will get here. The agreement said to start November 1st, so they might not come until next week. I'll be disappointed because I am really ready to get started. I've already had two people interested, so no telling how many will be when the buildings get there. And that is where I'll make my real money.
Don't know how all this will go, but it is fun having something to do each day rather than just sleep. It is quite a change in my life and I'm taking control of my life again. Just have to be patient and take things slow. Nothing ever goes fast enough for me.
I can't wait for the day when I can look back on this new start and know that it was the beginning of saving my life.
Now if I could just solve my love life. I'm lonely, but bored with dating. Just wish I had someone I loved who loved me back. I would like to share my life with someone I loved.
Time will tell all.
Don't know how all this will go, but it is fun having something to do each day rather than just sleep. It is quite a change in my life and I'm taking control of my life again. Just have to be patient and take things slow. Nothing ever goes fast enough for me.
I can't wait for the day when I can look back on this new start and know that it was the beginning of saving my life.
Now if I could just solve my love life. I'm lonely, but bored with dating. Just wish I had someone I loved who loved me back. I would like to share my life with someone I loved.
Time will tell all.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Health concerns
I wanted to post my concerns about my health just for the record. Not really any other place to discuss worries. I have been having problems with sleeping and breathing. I wake up sometimes trying to catch my breath because I will stop breathing in the night. For a week or so, I could not sleep 30 minutes straight because I would just stop breathing. Even when I was awake, I would struggle with catching my breath.
That has pretty much ended, but now I am congested and coughing all the time. I don't think it is just a passing thing. I worry about it being COPD, which I was diagnosed with in California. This is really frightening me, but I can't afford to do anything about it yet. I need to go to the doctor, but I can't afford it just yet. I will need to get lung xrays to tell for sure and I know that will be expensive.
I will also be glad to get back on my bi-polar meds because they help so much with my muscle pain. When I'm on my meds, I almost have no pain at all, but when I'm off them, I hurt all the time, to the point I can hardly move.
My plan is to get the building thing going and have some money coming in. Then I will go to the doctor to get all this looked at. Hopefully, I can sell a building quickly and get money in right away. If I can just make $200.00 to $400.00 a month extra for awhile, I'll be happy. It is better than sitting at home and staying in bed all day. At least that is the general opinion.
That has pretty much ended, but now I am congested and coughing all the time. I don't think it is just a passing thing. I worry about it being COPD, which I was diagnosed with in California. This is really frightening me, but I can't afford to do anything about it yet. I need to go to the doctor, but I can't afford it just yet. I will need to get lung xrays to tell for sure and I know that will be expensive.
I will also be glad to get back on my bi-polar meds because they help so much with my muscle pain. When I'm on my meds, I almost have no pain at all, but when I'm off them, I hurt all the time, to the point I can hardly move.
My plan is to get the building thing going and have some money coming in. Then I will go to the doctor to get all this looked at. Hopefully, I can sell a building quickly and get money in right away. If I can just make $200.00 to $400.00 a month extra for awhile, I'll be happy. It is better than sitting at home and staying in bed all day. At least that is the general opinion.
No matter how much I do, it is never enough!
Today has been a long, boring day, even though I did get some shopping in. I am trying to take this weekend to rest and get my strength back. I worked so hard last week and I've never fully recovered, so I took this weekend to rest my tired body. But it comes with the cost of being bored. My mind is still active, even though my body just won't cooperate. I hate getting old for that reason alone.
This week will seem like it goes on forever. The "big" ingredient to making my flower stand become a real nursery is the addition of the portable building consignments and Mr. Kcounce will not be out to look over my site until Friday. It is the real way to make real money, without having to put any money up front. It is a solid chance at rebuilding my life, so naturally I'm impatient to get it all set up since it will have such a huge impact on my life. I wish he was coming the first of the week and I was getting the buildings by the end of the week. The sooner all of it is in place, the sooner I can start to make money, which I need to keep the land, etc. It all depends on the first ball rolling.
I do plan to go out tomorrow and find some more consignment products, like stone work or iron yard figures. I know a couple of places I might try. The more "product" I have at my stand, the more people will stop and begin to realize it is a going to be a real store.
I have decided on the name "Barns and Gardens". I found two other places name Red Barn this weekend and I didn't want to be in a crowd of names. I want to stand out, so I picked a name that explains what I'll be doing. I like it. There is a good flow to it, thanks in part to Barn's and Noble Book Stores.
This week will be an important one for my future.
This week will seem like it goes on forever. The "big" ingredient to making my flower stand become a real nursery is the addition of the portable building consignments and Mr. Kcounce will not be out to look over my site until Friday. It is the real way to make real money, without having to put any money up front. It is a solid chance at rebuilding my life, so naturally I'm impatient to get it all set up since it will have such a huge impact on my life. I wish he was coming the first of the week and I was getting the buildings by the end of the week. The sooner all of it is in place, the sooner I can start to make money, which I need to keep the land, etc. It all depends on the first ball rolling.
I do plan to go out tomorrow and find some more consignment products, like stone work or iron yard figures. I know a couple of places I might try. The more "product" I have at my stand, the more people will stop and begin to realize it is a going to be a real store.
I have decided on the name "Barns and Gardens". I found two other places name Red Barn this weekend and I didn't want to be in a crowd of names. I want to stand out, so I picked a name that explains what I'll be doing. I like it. There is a good flow to it, thanks in part to Barn's and Noble Book Stores.
This week will be an important one for my future.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
A friend's suggestion
This is a poem I found while reading a poet my friend suggested. This poem really describes where I am in life.
The Journey by Mary Oliver
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice—
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do—
determined to save
the only life you could save.
The Journey by Mary Oliver
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice—
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do—
determined to save
the only life you could save.
My time of year
I love the Fall. Not sure why since it is the beginning of everything dying, but I love the cool weather after a long, hot, insufferable Texas summer. I love the birds all migrating to wherever they are going, although I hate losing my hummers. I love the crispness in the air and change happening all around me. Every creature seems to be rushing around to plan for the long winter, with increased visible activity. Somehow life seems renewed, not preparing to die.
Of course I love the color change in the trees, but I also love all the falling leaves and piles of crackly compost. It all represents change, which I suppose I'm the fondest of, since I bore so easily with routine.
Change, the short story of my long life. Nothing ever stays the same and I've learned to accept that. Without change, things go stale and become weak and unattractive. I have always been a seeker of change. Never happy with anything for too long, consistency alludes me and I live for the next big change.
A busy, active and distracting life has been my way. Now that I've had a long year of doing nothing, it is really time to get back into life. This time alone. I feel so alone. It is freeing in some ways and debilitating in others. There is never a perfect situation, only better or worse ones.
Of course I love the color change in the trees, but I also love all the falling leaves and piles of crackly compost. It all represents change, which I suppose I'm the fondest of, since I bore so easily with routine.
Change, the short story of my long life. Nothing ever stays the same and I've learned to accept that. Without change, things go stale and become weak and unattractive. I have always been a seeker of change. Never happy with anything for too long, consistency alludes me and I live for the next big change.
A busy, active and distracting life has been my way. Now that I've had a long year of doing nothing, it is really time to get back into life. This time alone. I feel so alone. It is freeing in some ways and debilitating in others. There is never a perfect situation, only better or worse ones.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Update
It has been a really long time since I felt like posting anything. I've been wrapped up in trying to figure out how my life should go. I became impossibility bored with my life and had to do something to get it restarted. After starting to sell Avon, I knew I needed more. More people contact, more money, more daily activities, more of life in general. So, I decided to find something else to do. Long story short, I leased some land and started selling plants on the side of the road. Well, first I sold some at Canton on First Monday and did pretty well. The road side stand isn't doing that great, but because of it, I was able get a deal worked out with a portable building manufacture to sell their buildings at my leased site. I will be only their second consignment location with 12 portable buildings on my site. I get 10% of everything I sell.
In a way, I created my own job out of nothing. I just hope I can stay afloat before I get the first building sold. I have to pay for the land, the insurance and my daily living until then. It will be "iffy" for awhile, but has the potential of becoming a pretty decent income stream. I might have rebuilt my life.
Now just to figure out how to live it without the love of my life. I would like to be in love again, but don't see any reasonable candidates anytime soon. Men are boring compared to "him" and no one seems to be able to reach my soul as he did. I suppose I can live life without that one area. A lot of people do.
Otherwise I'm happy and content.
In a way, I created my own job out of nothing. I just hope I can stay afloat before I get the first building sold. I have to pay for the land, the insurance and my daily living until then. It will be "iffy" for awhile, but has the potential of becoming a pretty decent income stream. I might have rebuilt my life.
Now just to figure out how to live it without the love of my life. I would like to be in love again, but don't see any reasonable candidates anytime soon. Men are boring compared to "him" and no one seems to be able to reach my soul as he did. I suppose I can live life without that one area. A lot of people do.
Otherwise I'm happy and content.
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